| Reasons why the
English language is hard to learn:
1. The bandage
was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was
used to produce produce.
3. The dump was
so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must
polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead
if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier
decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there
is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
the present.
8. A bass was
painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at,
the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not
object to the object.
11. The
insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a
row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were
too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck
does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress
and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with
planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was
too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a
number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing
the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to
subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I
intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it -
English is a crazy language.
There is no egg
in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that
writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Or, one
goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend.
If you have a
bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do you call it?
If teachers
taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all
the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the
verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital?
Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to
marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects
the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race
at all).
That is why,
when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible.
IF YOU KNOW
SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO LEARN ENGLISH, PITY THEM! |
